Dear friend,
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what I was going through.
I’m sorry I didn’t ask you for help.
But please know it wasn’t a conscious decision.
At first, I didn’t realise what I was going through was any different to anyone else who had just given birth. They talk about the ‘baby blues’ so I assumed that was what my flashbacks were. In conversations I would passively smile, but my ears would be pounding with the memories. It was all that I could do to sit and wait for it to pass. Inside I was screaming.
I’m sorry I didn’t open up.
The 3am messages were a lifeline. The shared tips on making it through the night. It didn’t occur to me to mention I was also sitting there in tears ‘watching myself’ give birth over and over again.
I’m sorry I didn’t share my experiences.
It was all I could do to keep going, every day. One foot in front of the other. It didn’t occur to me to explain my situation to anyone else until I was out the other side.
But please know you helped me every step of the way, just by being there.
I just hope that in some small way, being strong enough to share my experiences now may help someone else in the same situation. You got this, Mama.
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